Please feel free to leave comments or suggestions

Monday, March 29, 2010

Lord, Liar, or Lunatic


I was talking to someone the other day and we got on the topic of religion. He spontaneously decided to enlighten me on his socioeconomic view of the importance of Jesus and what he feels is the way to look at it. This person closed his directionless and merit less synopsis with the following statement: “Jesus was a good man”. While this statement can be true at first glance it encompasses so much that the statement is false once you dig into it. I propose that Jesus has to be one of three very different people. He is either who he said he is, Lord of Lords. He was not who he said he was and was just trying to pull a fast one using some ancient prophecy and slick PR, a liar. Or he was a certifiable nut job who actually thought he was who he said he was and just happened to be in the right place at the right time, a lunatic.

If he was who he said he was then “good man” does not really cover it. We are talking about a man who routinely insulted the leadership of his day. This same man opened a industrial strength can on a group of merchants selling goods in front of the temple. I have the burning feeling that if I did those things I would not be called a “Good Man”. The police report would probably call me the perpetrator. But if Jesus was God in man form those actions become logical and proactive to helping people see the truth. Even if that is true I doubt that the people in attendance to those events were describing him as “Good”. Messiah or Wacko would better summarize the comments being made.

Jesus being just a man makes him a violent, critical, and crazy liar. Not good by anyone’s standards. Having said that lets define “good”. For the social definition that is implied we have to go with the following definition.

Good: Adj. Well-behaved; obedient

The Jesus of the Bible was not well behaved.

In his ministry time he: Destroyed an entire herd of pigs, Kicked over tables and merchants in front of the social center of the town, Worked on the Sabbath (Big NO NO), defied the laws of physics and chemistry, and claimed to be a deity. Well behaved? If you follow the Bible he was holy and obedient to his mission but that obedience demanded that he not behave in the definition of society. I close by asking was Jesus a good man? NO! He was Lord, Liar, or Lunatic, It is ultimately up to each man in his heart to decide which one.


Thursday, March 25, 2010



I have hidden all that I was

For years so many

Fearing that I would be hated

As it always was

And in hiding

I perpetuated the hate

So now I hide the perpetuation

A hidden secret in hiding

And in this too was the hate perpetuated

So now I am well hidden

So far from all human contact

Unable to get back through the labyrinth of secrets and hiding

Lying to hide

Hiding to lie

A child was formed into a killer of men

And a man was killed by the child within

One to give

One to take

One to lead them

One to feed upon them.

I long for life and bring down destruction

Ringing the bells,

Signaling the war

Peace will come

In due time

And my soul will rest

Knowing that all will be well

All will be well

So now we assault

The lies and the hidden

To free the trapped

Of their own ignorance

And some day, some way

The freed will be me.


Monday, March 22, 2010


Dork Corp. Employees,

In recent weeks I. T. has encountered a number of PICNIC issues on several PCs in our offices. This can be caused by the rapid discharge of the Flux Capacitor with the usage of a Dither Rod Channel Flextor. It is important that no one crosses the Flux Capacitor main leads with a Dither Rod Channel Flextor, this would cause an ID10T error. ID10T Errors can only be cleared by beating the user who caused it amongst the head and neck repeatedly with a heavy object. I. T. has tried clearing the error by glaring, insulting, and mildly flogging the user but only a honest beating with a heavy object resulting in head trauma clears the error.
Other PICNIC errors we have seen include breakage of the coffee cup holder (It is only designed for Decaf), Depletion of the screen toner (Pressing the Power Button will replenish the Screen Toner), Evaporating printer paper (I. T. Supplies you with extra paper to account for the natural evaporation rate of paper), and Data Reactor System failure to start with telekinetic prompting (All PCs have a button labeled POWER as an emergency back up in the case of this type of failure).

PICNIC (Problem in Chair, Not in Computer) errors are descendants of the old DOS user error issues. The quickest way to solve them is still using the tried and true method as suggested by DOS:

User Error, Replace User

Thank You,

Darth Grim DoomBringer,

Destroyer of Worlds, Shearer of Sheep, IT Warlock and Level 80 Mage

Friday, March 19, 2010

MEMO: I. T. Staffing


Dork Corp. Employees,

It has come to management’s attention that the email systems have been perceived as unreliable. This is untrue. This is simply a cost cutting measure implemented by Mr. Darth G. DoomBringer, VP of IT. By reducing the utilization of email we can save Dork Corp. $.25 a month. Over the course of centuries we will have saved several hundred dollars in operating expenses.

As with the Personsoft Project, Information Technology will be tripling the staff in order to implement this new methodology. It is important to remember that you have to spend money to save money. Personsoft is a prime example of this in action. Dork Corp. is saving thousands of dollars a month with Personsoft while only spending twice that savings on the extra needed IT staffing required to support the system.

In a further cost cutting measure by management, all local IT staff will be terminated using the Rapid Termination Method utilized last year. It is unfortunate that most of the IT staff has been found competent, As a direct order from the VP of IT was issued last week stating that competence will not be tolerated. All IT terminated staff will be replaced but they will be screened to insure complete ineptitude.

It is Dork Corp. Managements deepest wishes that you enjoy your improved, incompetent IT Dept.

Bill L. Zebub,

Slayer of Worlds, Kicker of Kitties, Punter of Poodles,

HR Overlord


Thursday, March 18, 2010

Wallowed Paine of Self Disgust


Wallowed Paine of self disgust

Smell of pain

Life of dust

Looking forward seeing back

Nothing more than dauntless lack

And there he stands

Whole as I’m not

Offering life

For free, for naught

Selfish pride

Holding me

Flames of hell consuming me

Destroying life

Why not do I flee?

There he stands

Offering life

All for free, my biggest fan

Fierce battle wages on

The mind of Christ

To put it on

The foolish dance

I do all day

Who is the piper

That I must pay?

I give it all

To him who died

That I may live

And not be fried.

For him who rose

And brought new life

For him who rose

And saved my life.


Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Sea of forgedaboutit

I sit

And I listen

To mindless raves

And thoughtless comment

I make my point

Which is none effect

I explain the day

Their eyes just glaze

I wish for wisdom

They wish for pudding

I say here it is

They say no, there it was

I explain and wait and fill with anger

They say I should not be evil

I pray for God to deliver me from stupid

They pray for God to deliver them some mail

I had compassion and care for their lives

But man o man they are as to and of cattle

They run off a cliff

Mindless and confused

And they want me to join they in there self-righteous suicide of stupid



Sunday, March 14, 2010

Hot Button Topic: The Political Stand of Thinking People

Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, Tea Party, Conservative, Liberal, Progressive, Regressive, Socialist, Communist. Moderate, Extremist, Disestablishmentarianism, Right, Left, Fanatic, Apathetic, American?

The seeds of another American Civil War are among us. The lines are drawn, the sides set. On one side you have the Absolutists Demonizers who see every action of the other side as an evil attempt to destroy every living human on the planet. On the other, the Progressive Egocentrics who view any deviation from their desires to be a narrow minded obstruction from simple minded idiots. The sad truth is that these two camps fall into the same category, Blind Fanaticism.

"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject" Winston Churchill

George Santayana defines fanaticism as "redoubling your effort when you have forgotten your aim"

The church has had a long storied history of Blind, or half-blind, Fanaticism. “Let’s bring those heathens the Gospel, and if they don’t accept it we will slaughter them all” The Crusades. “Those Abortion Clinics are killing millions of babies. We have to protect the sanctity of life and kill the doctors who are performing abortions”. This is just one group on one side of the fanatic farm. The other side of the fanatic coin has equally incomprehensible logic. “All Americans have the right to free speech, we need to make the Christians stop speaking” “Everyone has the right to believe how they wish and no ones belief is more valuable than anyone else’s, That is why Christianity needs to be illegal” I actually had someone use the last one on me in a conversation. Blind Fanaticism is the enemy of modern society. It drives us to the illogical in the attempt to do the incomprehensible. The scariest part is that the extreem fringes of the fanatics are willing to die for their unqualified opinions. They have no basis in truth or the truth they once had is now twisted to serve their purpose.

“Since they thought it foolish to acknowledge God, he abandoned them to their foolish thinking and let them do things that should never be done.” Romans 1:28 NLT

We, as thinking people need to sit down and consider our words and actions. Are we doing and saying what we think is best for our families, country, or state? Or is it that we are parroting the hate filled rhetoric of a few talking heads. Do we honestly believe that an entire political party wants to eradicate Christianity? Force Religion down unwilling people’s throats? Destroy our economy? Let the poor go hungry and die? And the list goes on for miles. We have two sides of the same fanatic coin screaming accusations at each other and we get sucked into their little war of little minds.

The problem with our current political system is that those people who deserve to be in power, by nature of character and competence, do not want it and those who want it, by the fact that they want it, do not deserve it. We, as Americans are left with the second string talent our society has to offer (By optimistic calculations, in reality they are probably the 3rd string for the Jr. Varsity team). The only way to fix it is for a large group of good men, and women, to stand up and sacrifice their time and effort to go and be Senators, Congressmen, and Presidents. People who do not want the power but would do the right thing with it and cannot stand by idly while evil flourishes. People like our founding fathers.

Excuse me while I pick my soapbox up and return to the actual point of this little diatribe. What should our political stand be as thinking people? The short answer is: Your moral core. What do you hold dear? Sanctity of life? Freedom of speech? Strong economy? No person can tell you what this is but you have to sit down and figure out what you believe and want. Then you need to figure which beliefs are nonnegotiable and which are flexible. Next find a candidate who has a track record of supporting as many of those beliefs. Notice, I made no mention of party or what the candidate says he supports. We need to be looking for the best person for the job. Parties change, candidates switch parties, people stop wearing this horrendous white wigs and life goes on. All the while politicians say what you want to hear and then vote THEIR core values. A persons History is a good indicator to their future. Look up your candidates track record. This includes their personal life that has overflowed into the public arena. People who have trouble that big are hiding things that are larger than what you can see. Do we really want more drama in our offices of power? Issues must drive our choices not political treachery and mindless party line holding.

By finding and voting our core values we can, as Americans, change the very fabric of our political system to one of integrity and sacrifice instead of the greed centered horde mentality that now prevails. We must relegate the hateful rhetoric to the ignored fringe that they should have always been and restore the meaningful dialog that was lost many decades ago. By doing this we will silence the drums of war that we all hear and replace them with the call to diplomacy. It is my opinion that the majority of both sides are good people who wish for a better world for their children. The only way for thinking people to reach that goal is for us to incrementally work our way back of this cliff to a place where we once again stand as a UNITED America.

If we won’t do it, who will?

Friday, March 12, 2010

Memo: Workforce Reduction

Attention Employees,

Due to the current economic climate we are forced to reduce the work force by 20%. Furthermore, due to monetary restrictions put in place by Corporate we will be unable to do the full termination process. All employees who are under 5’ 4" in height and those over the weight of 250 Lbs are asked to report to the diving tank at noon for Rapid Termination. You will find cement blocks and rope at the foot of the staircase and are asked to grab one of each and continue up the stairs until you reach an HR rep who will tie it around your neck and push you in the tank.

Thank You for Your Loyal Service,

Bill L. Zebub,

Lord of Destruction, Puncher of Lamas, Reducer of Work Forces, Kicker of Kitties, SSID, HR Overlord, All around nice guy

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Memo: Apocolypse

Attention Employees,

The Apocalypse is scheduled to begin at 10 am sharp. We would like to remind everyone that at 9:55 am you should put your head between your legs and kiss your butt goodbye. Failure to do so could result in decapitation or data loss. Milk and cookies will be served at the gates of Hell. For those going to heaven, get your own freakin' cookies. Atheist can grab a bag of cookies before the apocalypse by stopping at HR before 9:30. We are unsure about giving Agnostics cookies as they may or may not be getting cookies later.

Thank You for your patience. We hope to return to normality by 3:00 PM.

Bill L Zebub,

Bringer of Doom, Kicker of Kitties, HR Lord

Cold Killer

A poison that kills

With no remorse

It destroys all that stands

And mocks you as it passes by

In horror you watch

As your house of cards

Does come crumbling down

Revealing for all to see

The weakness of your master design

It kills your hopes

Your dreams

Your reality

It rips and rents you



Murderous rage in its lone eye

Bloodlust consuming it

It is the most feared beast in all the world

The most lethal venom dripping off its glistening fangs

Truth is its name

And a world of pain is the reward for your lies


Greetings and welcome to the dork side of the farce. I must take this time to warn those of weak jocular fortitude and those of weak mind that this site could cause side effects ranging from “Grumpy Pants” disease to cerebral implosion. Even though someone with “Grumpy Pants” disease witnessing a cerebral implosion will increase their jocular fortitude it has been known to cause spontaneous combustion. As for those people who wish to expand their minds and spirits we welcome you to continue. I am pleased that you have chosen this path and request that you keep me apprized of the content you like and the content you feel could be improved. I, the dork lord, will be sharing some of my writings and stories as well as opinions. I am always looking for ideas so all suggestions are wanted and some will be appreciated.