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Friday, March 12, 2010

Memo: Workforce Reduction

Attention Employees,

Due to the current economic climate we are forced to reduce the work force by 20%. Furthermore, due to monetary restrictions put in place by Corporate we will be unable to do the full termination process. All employees who are under 5’ 4" in height and those over the weight of 250 Lbs are asked to report to the diving tank at noon for Rapid Termination. You will find cement blocks and rope at the foot of the staircase and are asked to grab one of each and continue up the stairs until you reach an HR rep who will tie it around your neck and push you in the tank.

Thank You for Your Loyal Service,

Bill L. Zebub,

Lord of Destruction, Puncher of Lamas, Reducer of Work Forces, Kicker of Kitties, SSID, HR Overlord, All around nice guy

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